As salaam 'alaikum. It has been 12 years since my marriage. But there is one thing that often comes back in mind and bothers me. It is the way the marriage was arranged. I come from a culture where people often get married to cousins. Nevertheless, it was my personal decision to never marry within close or distant relatives. It never appealed to me, ever. My father also would not endorse the idea of marrying a cousin.
Here is what is sad. My mother knew that all along. Yet, because she liked a particular girl who happened to be a distant cousin, she lied to me about her true identity. She revealed to me only on the night before the wedding. By then it was too late because the wedding was finalized. Both my father and I were displeased. Even in the act of revealing, she was deceitful. She pretended as if she herself was surprised to have found out that the girl was a cousin! Days after the marriage, I came to know that she had tried hard, and would do anything, to keep it a secret, lest I would call the wedding off!
My dear Muslim brothers and sisters, I have come to you today, to know what Islam says when a mother deprives a son of the right to know the truth in its entirety before making a life-changing, permanent decision in life, such as marriage.
I need to live with it forever. From time to time, it causes me to bleed. How could a mother do such a thing?
I know there are numerous references in the Holy Qu'ran that talk about our obligations toward parents. What about when parents become unfair to children? In the light of Islamic teachings, kindly let me know how Allah will judge on all that happened. Thank you.
1 Answer
Wa Alaikum Asslam, first of all, I am sorry for what happened to you. Now, onto your question. This has a complicated answer. I will try my best to explain in simple wording. Bear with me until the end and I hope that you will get your answer. I should clarify that I also come from a culture where arranged marriages and cousin-marriages are common. The thing is, most 'Muslims' are Muslims by name, which is a sad reality of Asian countries. People do not follow the teachings of Islam and try to go their own way by finding exceptions in Sharia. As far as I can tell, the same has happened to you. I should clarify that Islam tells parents to try to find the best possible life-partner for their children and even then, ASK FOR THEIR CHILD'S PREFERENCE BEFORE ARRANGING THE MARRIAGE. Sadly, this teaching is not followed among Muslims in many countries especially Asian ones. People here are badly into the Caste system and Family system. The short definition of both is: Parents do everything possible to marry their children within their Caste or Family. In some cases, they even force their children to do so and even don't let them get married to anyone for life (!) if they disobey them. I thin your case is also one of these. Your mother wanted you to marry someone within the family and she tried everything she could to do it and sadly and unfortunately, even overlooked the teachings of Islam for the sae of it. As a result, she made you unhappy with her decision. Moreover, she got you married to someone she knew was not the right match for you as you have described above. She has done another bad thing for you which, again, is against the teachings of Islam. Now, onto what would happen with her on the day of judgement for this kind of behavior. I can assure you that no one in this whole world about the exact treatment she will get from Allah Almighty because only Allah Almighty knows that. I can, however, assure you that you, your wife and your mother will be treated justly. Allah Almighty assures us that no one, not even a single soul will be unhappy from His justice on the day of judgement. All that said, I would request you to forgive your mother. Sometimes, parents love their children so much that they make them suffer for what they thought it was good for them. Allah Almighty loves the person who forgives everyone. Allah may even forgive you for this. I hope I was able to help. May Allah bless you and your family. Thank you for asking the question. Assalam u Alaikum.
Helpful
Unhelpful
Wa Alaikum Asslam, first of all, I am sorry for what happened to you. Now, onto your question. This has a complicated answer. I will try my best to explain in simple wording. Bear with me until the end and I hope that you will get your answer.
I should clarify that I also come from a culture where arranged marriages and cousin-marriages are common. The thing is, most 'Muslims' are Muslims by name, which is a sad reality of Asian countries. People do not follow the teachings of Islam and try to go their own way by finding exceptions in Sharia. As far as I can tell, the same has happened to you. I should clarify that Islam tells parents to try to find the best possible life-partner for their children and even then, ASK FOR THEIR CHILD'S PREFERENCE BEFORE ARRANGING THE MARRIAGE. Sadly, this teaching is not followed among Muslims in many countries especially Asian ones. People here are badly into the Caste system and Family system. The short definition of both is: Parents do everything possible to marry their children within their Caste or Family. In some cases, they even force their children to do so and even don't let them get married to anyone for life (!) if they disobey them. I thin your case is also one of these. Your mother wanted you to marry someone within the family and she tried everything she could to do it and sadly and unfortunately, even overlooked the teachings of Islam for the sae of it. As a result, she made you unhappy with her decision. Moreover, she got you married to someone she knew was not the right match for you as you have described above. She has done another bad thing for you which, again, is against the teachings of Islam.
Now, onto what would happen with her on the day of judgement for this kind of behavior. I can assure you that no one in this whole world about the exact treatment she will get from Allah Almighty because only Allah Almighty knows that. I can, however, assure you that you, your wife and your mother will be treated justly. Allah Almighty assures us that no one, not even a single soul will be unhappy from His justice on the day of judgement.
All that said, I would request you to forgive your mother. Sometimes, parents love their children so much that they make them suffer for what they thought it was good for them. Allah Almighty loves the person who forgives everyone. Allah may even forgive you for this. I hope I was able to help. May Allah bless you and your family. Thank you for asking the question. Assalam u Alaikum.
I should clarify that I also come from a culture where arranged marriages and cousin-marriages are common. The thing is, most 'Muslims' are Muslims by name, which is a sad reality of Asian countries. People do not follow the teachings of Islam and try to go their own way by finding exceptions in Sharia. As far as I can tell, the same has happened to you. I should clarify that Islam tells parents to try to find the best possible life-partner for their children and even then, ASK FOR THEIR CHILD'S PREFERENCE BEFORE ARRANGING THE MARRIAGE. Sadly, this teaching is not followed among Muslims in many countries especially Asian ones. People here are badly into the Caste system and Family system. The short definition of both is: Parents do everything possible to marry their children within their Caste or Family. In some cases, they even force their children to do so and even don't let them get married to anyone for life (!) if they disobey them. I thin your case is also one of these. Your mother wanted you to marry someone within the family and she tried everything she could to do it and sadly and unfortunately, even overlooked the teachings of Islam for the sae of it. As a result, she made you unhappy with her decision. Moreover, she got you married to someone she knew was not the right match for you as you have described above. She has done another bad thing for you which, again, is against the teachings of Islam.
Now, onto what would happen with her on the day of judgement for this kind of behavior. I can assure you that no one in this whole world about the exact treatment she will get from Allah Almighty because only Allah Almighty knows that. I can, however, assure you that you, your wife and your mother will be treated justly. Allah Almighty assures us that no one, not even a single soul will be unhappy from His justice on the day of judgement.
All that said, I would request you to forgive your mother. Sometimes, parents love their children so much that they make them suffer for what they thought it was good for them. Allah Almighty loves the person who forgives everyone. Allah may even forgive you for this. I hope I was able to help. May Allah bless you and your family. Thank you for asking the question. Assalam u Alaikum.
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