My answer to your question is you shouldn't hit your husband. That will more likely than not escalate the matter, and result in greater harm to you both. Islam does not accept a husband beating a wife for any reason - abuse of either spouse is forbidden.Men in an Islamic civilisation are granted judicial authority to discipline family members, akin to Western schools historically disciplining children. The only time a man can discipline (not beat!) his wife is when she is doing something forbidden or being disobedient on a matter requiring obedience. If he is beating her, she needs serious help, from family members or authorities - and if the matter continues, she should consider parting ways via divorce.
Before I start answering this question, I would like to tell you that fulfilling the marriage agreement and subsequent obedience is a test from Allah. The way a wife reacts will be judged by Allah. May Allah make your life easier and help you through this hard time.
That being said I would recommend you speaking with your husband and finding out what the problem is. If that doesn't work then maybe try bringing wider family members in to help resolve the issues. As a last resort you could always divorce (one of the most disliked things in Islam).
Beating is always unacceptable - you should seek help if this in any way is leading to harm.
Why did god create marriage?
God created marriage as a blessing for mankind. Most Muslims know that marrying completes half your religion.
عَنْ أَنَسِ بْنِ مَالِكٍ أَنّ رَسُولَ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ مَنْ رَزَقَهُ اللَّهُ امْرَأةً صَالِحَةً فَقَدْ أَعَانَهُ اللَّهُ عَلَى شَطْرِ دِينِهِ فَلْيَتَّقِ اللَّهَ فِي الشَّطْرِ الثَّانِي
992 الْمُعْجَمُ الْأوْسَطُ لِلْطَبَرانِيِّ بَابُ الْألْفِ مَنْ اِسْمُهُ أَحْمَدُ
Whoever Allah provides with a righteous wife, Allah has assisted him in half of his religion. Let him fear Allah regarding the second half. (Ahmed)
Not only does it completes half your religion, but he also states if you marry, he will improve your situation through his favour.
وَأَنْكِحُوا الْأَيَامَىٰ مِنْكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَائِكُمْ ۚ إِنْ يَكُونُوا فُقَرَاءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِنْ فَضْلِهِ ۗ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيمٌ
Marry the single people from among you and the righteous slaves and slave-girls. If you are poor, Allah will make you rich through His favour; and Allah is Bountiful, All-Knowing." (Qur'an 24:32)
Getting married is one of the easiest and greatest way to earn reward.
قالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ (صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيهِ وَآلِهِ وَسَلّمَ): ما بُنِيَ بِناءَ فِي الإِسْلامِ أَحَبُّ إِلى اللهِ عَزَّ وَجَلّ مِنَ التَّزْوِيجِ.
The Messenger of Allah (S) has said, "There is no foundation that has been built in Islam more loved by Allah, (The Greatest and Noblest) than marriage."
What is a woman's right over her husband when marrying?
We have established that getting married only contains favours. Now we must realise what God asks of us when marrying. The first and foremost thing when we marry is dowry.
وَأُحِلَّ لَكُمْ مَا وَرَاءَ ذَٰلِكُمْ أَنْ تَبْتَغُوا بِأَمْوَالِكُمْ مُحْصِنِينَ غَيْرَ مُسَافِحِينَ ۚ فَمَا اسْتَمْتَعْتُمْ بِهِ مِنْهُنَّ فَآتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً ۚ وَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ فِيمَا تَرَاضَيْتُمْ بِهِ مِنْ بَعْدِ الْفَرِيضَةِ ۚ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلِيمًا حَكِيمًا
"... and besides these, it is lawful for you to marry other women if you pay them their dowry, maintain chastity and do not commit indecency. So those (women) whom you marry for an appointed time, you must give them their agreed upon dowries. There is no harm if you reach an understanding among yourselves about the dowry, Allah is All-Knowing and All-Wise." (Qur'an 4:24)
The dowry is what future wives ask of men. While the dowry is often money, it can also be anything agreed upon by the bride such as jewellery, home goods, furniture, a dwelling or some land. It gives the husband reproductive rights over the wife.
The second right a wife has is not worrying about money. The husband is obliged to spend on his wife. How much the man spends on his wife is up to him so long as he feeds, clothes and provides accommodation to his wife.
وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ ۖ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ ۚ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ لَا تُكَلَّفُ نَفْسٌ إِلَّا وُسْعَهَا ۚ لَا تُضَارَّ وَالِدَةٌ بِوَلَدِهَا وَلَا مَوْلُودٌ لَّهُ بِوَلَدِهِ ۚ وَعَلَى الْوَارِثِ مِثْلُ ذَٰلِكَ ۗ فَإِنْ أَرَادَا فِصَالًا عَن تَرَاضٍ مِّنْهُمَا وَتَشَاوُرٍ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْهِمَا ۗ وَإِنْ أَرَدتُّمْ أَن تَسْتَرْضِعُوا أَوْلَادَكُمْ فَلَا جُنَاحَ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذَا سَلَّمْتُم مَّا آتَيْتُم بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۗ وَاتَّقُوا اللَّهَ وَاعْلَمُوا أَنَّ اللَّهَ بِمَا تَعْمَلُونَ بَصِيرٌ
Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing [period]. Upon the father is the mothers' provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable. No person is charged with more than his capacity. No mother should be harmed through her child, and no father through his child. And upon the [father's] heir is [a duty] like that [of the father]. And if they both desire weaning through mutual consent from both of them and consultation, there is no blame upon either of them. (Qur'an 2:233)
لِيُنفِقْ ذُو سَعَةٍ مِّن سَعَتِهِ ۖ وَمَن قُدِرَ عَلَيْهِ رِزْقُهُ فَلْيُنفِقْ مِمَّا آتَاهُ اللَّهُ ۚ لَا يُكَلِّفُ اللَّهُ نَفْسًا إِلَّا مَا آتَاهَا ۚ سَيَجْعَلُ اللَّهُ بَعْدَ عُسْرٍ يُسْرًا
Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease. (Qur'an 65:7)
Marriage is not just a contract over reproduction. Islam has allowed man to marry for his pleasure. To have a loving relationship with one's spouse we need to make sure we look after our wives with respect, care and live.
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَحِلُّ لَكُمْ أَن تَرِثُوا النِّسَاءَ كَرْهًا ۖ وَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ لِتَذْهَبُوا بِبَعْضِ مَا آتَيْتُمُوهُنَّ إِلَّا أَن يَأْتِينَ بِفَاحِشَةٍ مُّبَيِّنَةٍ ۚ وَعَاشِرُوهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهْتُمُوهُنَّ فَعَسَىٰ أَن تَكْرَهُوا شَيْئًا وَيَجْعَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِ خَيْرًا كَثِيرًا
O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good. (Qur'an 4:19)
The best way to find out on how to treat your wife is by following the example of the Prophet(saw):
Umm Salamah said: "I got my menses when I was lying with the Prophet (saw) under a single woollen sheet. I slipped away and put on the clothes I usually wore for menstruation. The Messenger of Allah (saw) asked me, 'Have you got your menses?' I said, 'Yes.' Then he called me and made me lie with him under the same sheet."
The prophet showed great love towards his wife. He would make sure she is happy and would treat her.
It was narrated that Urwah ibn al-Zubayr said: " A'isha said: 'By Allah, I saw the Messenger of Allah (saw) standing at the door of my apartment when the Abyssinians were playing with their spears in the Mosque of the Messenger of Allah (saw). He covered me with his cloak so that I could watch their games, then he stood there for my sake until I was the one who had had enough. So you should appreciate the fact that young girls like to have fun.'" (Bukhari, 443; Muslim, 892)
Now as for hitting or beating your wife, Islam frowns upon a Muslim harming a stranger, let alone hurting his own wife.
"There should be no harming nor reciprocating harm." (Narrated by Ibn Majah, 2340)
Harming your wife is a sin. But God has given us the right to strike wives and even children only in exceptional cases for purposes of discipline - not abuse.
"Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have rights over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed [i.e., not let them into the house] whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner" (Muslim, 1218)
Do not abuse the right God has given you!
My answer to your question is you shouldn't hit your husband. That will more likely than not escalate the matter, and result in greater harm to you both.
No matter what the case, the wife should be obedient to the husband and both should try working to resolve issues for marital harmony.
Remember God is all knowing and all seeing. He sees what your husband is doing, have patience. If you have lost that, or the marriage is beyond repair, then seek a divorce to part ways and pray to Allah as he is the most forgiving. I will keep you in my duas (prayers).
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